The Plight of Strength

13 May

Someone once told me that since I am a strong woman, that I [subconsciously] don’t need a tight clique of women around me. I guess there is some truth to that…but that doesn’t mean I am not lonely at times. I apparently have this key to the unspoken underground of strength.I doubt that others flaunt this unwavering ability to let it roll off the back and keep on chuggin’. I guess I recently realized that because there are vultures in the world that are ready for any stench of rot and weakness, they are ready to pounce. Sometimes either party may realize this until it is too late… FOR EXAMPLE: ( PS/Beware: I love to relate what I write about to my own personal happenstance because it is all I know. When I go through it, I know exactly what I am feeling and try as I might, I can’t accurately deduce what someone else is feeling in regards to their sitch :)) Again for example, I discovered an ex- boyfriend of mine to be extremely needy as it was. Through all of his charm and grandeur, what he was really doing was enticing me to be a pillar of support in his otherwise putrid world. It unfortunately took me a couple years to realize , but then it was too late. I was drained and began to isolate. My personhood, my STRENGTH was burnt out like a cheap light bulb: worn, broken, and above all lost of light.

PS- That will definitely make a bitch reconsider her shit…lemme tell you. Is this what everyone goes through? If it is….what the fuck life? What kind of cruel shit is that….seriously. Karma? Flow of life? Whatever…I call it bullshit. I think I need to start a support group for broken ass women just to remind them that they are still whole!

Moving on…The point of my tangent is this…silent strength is just as rampant as silent sadness or shit even silently plotted revenge! I think it should be highlighted and commended. Do you know why its not? Strength in a person, not just a women delivers rewards far beyond medals, recognitions and trophies…It returns in love and eventually happiness, I think. My grandparents remained strong during a German invasion during WWII and continued on to live glorious and successful lives, raising a family and planting roots in St. Louis. I mean through many trials and tribulations we are here! I am a descendant, as I have mentioned in a previous post, of strong individuals willing to RISK IT ALL for their children. How else to better be repayed than a continuous lineage based on YOUR LOVE?

Silent strength is kept silent also in part because society tries to imprint in your skull the need to be with someone at all fucking times. YOU NEED A FAMILY! WE NEED CONSUMERS! . I will tell you one thing though: throughout my personal trials and tribulations I have grown to say FUCK society. I mean, was I a weaker woman I would be crumbling in defeat from my numerous stressors that have been berating me recently. And not only that, but other women sometimes are sizing me up as completely batshit insane…and I think I am officially in love with the feeling. Until you understand how empowered you feel after realizing that someone legitimately believes you to be completely weird and obscure, and that you don’t give a flying FUCK? Please try it…it is definitely not for the weak of heart.

I love it because day by day this realization leads me to make changes…I am able to be more honest with people, as well as myself. I am able to better make decisions regarding my future. And in an area where confidence has completely eluded me in the past, men, I am able to make the BEST decisions for me. I wish I could accurately paint a picture of how I did it… but to be honest I am not even going to try. Reason being, I can’t give anyone any answers of how. I didn’t have those answers when I sought them, I formulated my own. It wasn’t for lack of trying though, let me tell you!

 

Some may read this, if it ever passes any eye besides my own, and say oh, well she’s young, too young to judge life. Maybe I am…but I know in my heart of hearts that some grown ass women that I personally know and am thinking of in my head right now have not obtained such a level of strength that ALLOW them to live a free life. Maybe I should research some meditations or words of encouragement…right now though even putting the facet of personal strength on your radar in enough for me. We ALL can be strong and own our own life. Start now.

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